IN A HEARTBEAT…..a message from him…..

“I have a few free days, I’d like to see you….want to see you. Meet me by the lake, late afternoon. Will you come?”

“Yes”, simple as that.

She will go, and with palms outstretched, take what is offered.

Let this be clear, perfect, understanding….this, is what there is.


Driving down the road, her inner dialogue begins, and seeing it, hearing it clearly, speaks firmly.

“I will NOT compare myself with her….a young girl who looks as though

 she has just changed out of school uniform. I am absolutely NOT going there, or I will turn the car, head straight back home and shut the door on him, on all of it.”

But the door stands open and she will go, let herself accept what is.

Arriving, leaving her car parked by the tiny cabin, she walks towards the lake….. its still surface shimmering.

Sits down absorbing the peace.

Dragonflies hover in the late afternoon sun. A fish leaps then disappears leaving circles expanding. Masses of tiny birds swoop and dive over a stand of rushes, their voices a high excited peeping as they hunt clouds of insects, hatching. 

And then his hand is on her shoulder, a sudden heavy warmth….he must have walked in from the road, she heard no car.

He turns her to him, and quietly against her mouth, “Sorry, I am sorry,” kisses her, softly, then an arm around her shoulders, they sit in silence….adjusting themselves once more, one to the other, their breathing easing, slowing, as the light begins to fade, as shadows from the blue green trees throw patterns on the lake. Light and shade upon the water.

She wakes, deep in the night, still held in his arms.  Moonlight streams through the open door, a holy benediction. Reaches up, touching his face, the graceful sweep of eyelids, his thick closed lashes lending him a childlike innocence, bathed in light and shadow. Breathes deep the strong male smell of him, mixed with the sharp tang of their sex. He comes quickly awake , so close he can see the gold green colours of her iris, the pupils hugely dilated, and pulling her to him falls and falls deep into their colours as he enters her again, as she takes him deep, her hands cupping his buttocks, as they rock each other, slowly, still gazing one into the other, mouths tasting this shared blessing, rocking to a rhythm entirely their own…..bringing each other home until once more they fall asleep.

Morning comes, bright clear and icy cold.  Clothing themselves quickly, they go out to gather kindling, arms of chopped firewood, neatly stacked and sheltered from the weather.  Soft rain begins to fall, wetting their hair, their shoulders as they hurry inside, drop the wood by the stove, turn smiling, wiping droplets off each other’s faces.  An unspoken agreement to speak only of themselves, each other.  If he wishes to tell her about the girl, she will let him, but for now, cocooned in this early morning joyfulness, there is no one in the room but them.

And sitting at the table with thick brown toast, marmalade, fruit and good strong coffee, they speak of simple things, sharing good plain food and conversation, constantly touching.  She feels her pulse slow once more, as they  reach that point of peacefulness.  And the rain quickens, falls heavy on the small tin roofed cabin, a drumming heartbeat as he stands up, pulls her to him……”come back to bed”, he says.

The flames glow in the wood fire stove, and rekindled once more in them.

A thousand years of pain, of loneliness, of living, fall away…..she is once more a child, a girl, a young woman…..rebirthed in this narrow bed, her hands cradling  his head , gazing into infinity.

The First Moment


I remember the first time I saw him, as though it was moments ago…..of all the people surrounding him in that work place, he stood out…..not only did he tower over the young boys who brought him to assist me… was so much more than that.

He had a presence about him, an energy, and an undeniable sexuality that made me instantly wary, because he was beautiful, not only In himself but his voice, the swift gracefulness of his movements, and his humour…..a man who laughed easily, who knew he was attractive to women. Silver blonde hair, loose upon his shoulders, lean, verging on thin, I found his presence disconcerting. He was at once, aloof and yet had an easy familiarity about him. We discussed the product I wanted, we discussed other possibilities….the way he spoke, moved, laughed, both encouraged and dismissed more familiarity. I left, unable to find what I needed, but my mind stayed back there in that small moment of intimacy…..

After that, I found myself looking for him, fighting the feeling, pushing it down, and failing utterly. In a matter of moments he had got right under my skin.

And as happens, there were coincidences where his car pulled up beside mine, as I arrived to do shopping…..Always holding back, I would smile, or return his greeting, my heart beating heavy in my chest, breath quickening.

He obviously had another job, as he worked in that place for a few brief hours, several days a week; so I tried to avoid him, or attempted to. But he was there, a seed sown in the deep recesses of my mind, and I found he was very aware of me, sensed my unspoken attraction to him, liked it, liked to feel my eyes on him. 

So, I turned away.