Never My Love


The Tunnel

Ashen faced, laboured breathing
I watched him helplessly
Beside his bed
Saw his vital signs
Felt him leaving me
watching him
Helpless, helplessly
Gathering all the strength I had
To offer up to him
My mind reached into his
Willing, willing him

”Come back my love, come back
Stay with me
For did you not say
You’d never leave me?
You would always be here by my side?
Don’t go my love, don’t give in”
Can barely bear to lay my trembling hands
Upon him
Afraid he’ll feel my fear
So near death, now
I hear the steady beating of dark wings
Nothing to heal him with now
And I the notorious White Lady
Useless now, as I stand stricken upon this earth
Feeling him….slowly…letting…..go
Losing my courage, I am losing everything
“Healer, heal thyself”
From some place far away these words come to me
And a tiny spark of hope and courage

“Jamie, my love, what can I do”?
Did I think the words from my mind
To his….or perhaps I simply whispered them
But he turned his gaze upon me
“Claire, I am so very cold….
Touch me.”
Then I knew what was needed
And tore my shift off hurriedly
Lay full length upon his ice cold flesh
Reached, reached down to find his heat
Held him then, felt the faintest pulse
Slowly beating
Held him, moved with him
My hand, his heart
The pulse between us slowly beating
My body melting into his
One flesh
No longer he, nor me
One flesh, one huge heart’s pulse
Beating, beating
His body heat returning
That distant inward look receding

He’s turned back from the stars
That refuge he was seeking
Beneath my body’s heat
His great heart beats a steady rhythm
Eyes return my gaze
I kiss his pale beloved face
And death drifts through the open door
Leaving us alone once more
“Not this time you bastard !!!
He’s still mine, dear God
Still mine.”
And as he succumbs to healing sleep,
Arms still wrapped around him,
I can finally let go….and weep.”

For Claire and Jamie

MargaretArlen ©️
Spring, Central Victoria, Australia 2020